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WORST FIRST DATE IDEAS

Today’s post is sponsored by the First Round’s on Me dating app (aka FROME), the app designed to eliminate time spent on dating app and get you meeting people in person faster.

While I am happily ~engaged to be wed~ (can we please get a better word than fiancée? Every time I say it out loud, I feel like I just got back from studying abroad in Paris and am showing off how cultured I am. Can some Merriam and/or Webster get on that? Not sure what else those guys do all day) before that, I spend many unhappy years swiping away on the dating apps. I actually ended up deleting them because it became too exhausting – I never met up with anyone, it was too tiring to maintain a conversation with a stranger over Hinge message, and I generally felt overwhelmed by all the options, most of which weren’t interested in me (separate issue to be covered in a later blog/therapy.)

FROME is different. I know, there’s a million different apps that say they’re different but FROME actually backs it up.

Learn more about how it works here but the general gist is, the app eliminates 3 of the main hurdles of online dating.

1. Swiping through an Endless Stream of Users

The burden of choice is real. Dating apps are great but there’s just too many options. Instead of making you happy, it makes you more stressed and less invested in the connections you do make. That’s basically why people end up staying together longer in arranged marriages or back in the 1940s – with less options for finding a partner, they focused on making their current relationships work.

FROME limits your interaction to one user at a time so you focus on making that connection work.

2. Messaging with a Complete Stranger

Is there anything worse than coming home after a long day of work, and forcing yourself to maintain a charming, witty text message conversation with someone you matched with 2 weeks ago and still haven’t met up with once? I don’t even like to have long text message conversations with my friends and family. Why would I want to do it with someone I barely know?

FROME only lets you communicate on the chat for 2 hours before your actual in person date. You can save the get to know you conversation for the date itself.

3. Picking a First Date Spot

There’s a million first date options. Do you go romantic? Cute? Show that you’re rich? Show that you’re fun? That you’re kind of embarrassingly close with the bartender at a local dive bar which could either make you a man of the people or a depressing alcoholic?

FROME eliminates the stress by narrowing your options and giving you date to pick from within the app (cocktails, coffee, juice, etc.) and suggests spots nearby both of you.

I get it. You might not be convinced. Fine, that’s life. Don’t download the app and just go on these terrible first dates instead. Your funeral.

Top 3 Worst First Date Ideas:

1. Anything Exercise Related

If you’re suggesting going to a workout class or quick run as your first date, you simply are not equipped to be dating another human being. I don’t care if you met at the gym (sounds creepy) or at Soul Cycle class (seems like you have no life outside of the cult) this a bad idea.

How exactly do you plan on talking during this? Are you both at the exact same physical fitness level or will one of you be humiliating the other? Is this the only event you have planned or will you now be showering to go to dinner after?

I shouldn’t have to explain to you that 1) people like to look good on a date and 2) people don’t look their best immediately after a workout. You’re putting your date in a position that’s going to make them uncomfortable, which is pretty much the exact opposite of what you want to do.

More importantly, it feels like you’re trying to multi-task a date. This is like asking someone out to go grocery shopping with you. Stop trying to accomplish tasks while you’re looking for love.

2. Ice Skating

A classic move, especially if you live in NYC, that I would highly advise against. This is a high risk first date move with 3 outcomes, all of which are bad.

Outcome 1: You Look Silly

If you’re bad at skating or even just ok, you are not going to look like an attractive person on that rink at all. You’re going to look like a silly little fool bumbling their way through a relatively simple athletic task. This is the actual definition of “The Ick.”

Outcome 2: Your Date Looks Silly

Ok, so you’re a good skater. That’s really cool man. What an amazing skill that you can literally never use for the majority of your adult life. But your date isn’t a good skater and now instead of enjoying her time with you, she’s worried about falling, getting a concussion and losing her memory forever.

50 First Dates is a great movie but do you actually want to live in that reality? If you answer yes, seek help.

Outcome 3: You Both Become a Professional Figure Skating Duo

You guys have so much in common – you’re both good skaters! As you zip through tourists on the rink and execute triple axles together, you realize that what you have is special. Why not monetize it and start a figure skating duo to compete in the Olympics?!?! I’m sure that won’t working so closely together in high pressure situations won’t put a strain on your relationship!

3. Seeing a Movie

Why is this such a classic date night activity? I get that it makes sense in high school when you can’t afford to eat at a restaurant and can’t grab a drink (legally) at a bar. But look – the point of a date is to get to know each other. Want to know the worst way to get to know someone? Sitting in a dark theater for 2 hours where you’re not allowed to speak.

Lack of conversation aside, the simple fact is that it completely ruins the movie experience. You can’t focus on the movie you paid $19 to enjoy because you’re stressed the entire time about how it’s going. Is she having fun? Should you be making comments after parts in the movie or just let her enjoy it alone? Do you look good from this angle? Would it be weird to make a move?

The answer is yes, it would be weird to make a move. Is there anything more awkward than kissing in a movie theatre? Nothing is less sexy than leaning over an armrest, straining your neck and swapping popcorn flavored spit in front of dozens of strangers. And that’s if you somehow pull that off! The only thing more awkward than kissing in a theater is getting rejected for a kiss in a theater. If you get rejected in Act One, how in God’s name are you going to spend the rest of the film?

Leave the movie dates for the high schoolers or a 3rd or 4th date please.

Want more bad first date ideas? Watch this video below.

Hardcore Hippo of the Week

Oh fuck ya. This hippo is swallowing a crocodile whole. Absolutely bonkers behavior and we are here for it. Let's ride into the weekend.