THE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD BRACKET: PHYSICAL SENSES EDITION

Emergency newsletter alert! The new WRD bracket dropped yesterday and there's just a few more hours to vote for your favorite teams on the Instagram stories. Full blog below but smash that link to go VOTE

In a completely precedented move, here at WRD we are excited to launch our 5th annual content series that no one asked for …the Sensory Experience March Madness Bracket.

Over the course of the next two weeks, 64 teams will compete in 4 different regions of a types of Physical Senses (Feeling, Taste, Touch, and Smell) for the coveted WRD bracket championship crown.

How It Works:

The Field

There are 16 teams in 4 regions – Feeling, Taste, Smell and Touch. Sight was not included because we are not shallow people.

Voting

• Voting is performed by The Committee, a team of 7 intelligent and handsome consultants. We each get 1 vote.

• Fans will get the opportunity to vote on 4 of the 8 rounds in the Instagram Stories. Their votes count as 2 votes.  

Why don’t you get to vote on every round? First off, it would take forever and you’d get bored by the end of it. Second off, and more importantly, we have actual jobs and this shit takes forever. Sorry. Buy our merch and maybe next year we’ll be able to do this the right way.

The four rounds of fan voting will occur in the below fashion:

• First Two RoundsFans and Committee vote on Rd. 1. Committee votes on Rd. 2

• Sweet 16Fans and Committee vote on Round of 16. Committee votes on Elite 8

• Final FourFans and Committee vote on Final Four.

• National ChampionshipONLY FANS VOTE. Part of the reason we do this is so we can make an OnlyFans joke, but we also want to reward the loyal WRDies and put the fate of the tournament in your hands.Results published Friday 3/25

Any questions? Good, let’s get into it.

The Bracket

The Regions

Feelings Region

The best physical feelings in the entire world.

The Favorite: #2 A Good Poop

The team no one wants to face or admit that they actually like, expect a second-seeded Good Poop to dominate with their unbeatable combination of physical satisfaction, health benefits, and the possibility of losing 3 pounds in a single sitting.

Dark Horse: #8 Sun on Your Face After a Long Winter

After starting off the season slow, #8 Sun On Face has exploded out of the gate with a refreshing, energetic style of play that reminds you just how depressed you were for the last 2 months.

Cinderella Team: #15 Your Thumb Being Touched in 7 Up

This aging middle-school-throwback team might not have the mass appeal of other teams, their combination of joy, surprise and the fleeting hope that your crush was the one who picked you could surprise pundits this March.

Matchup to Watch: #7 Cleaning Your Ears with a Q-Tip vs. #10 Long Pee in the Morning

Fierce rivals from a loaded Satisfying Feeling conference square off in Round 1, as an under-rated Long Pee in the Morning squad hopes to stun a favored Cleaning Your Ear with Q-Tips team that could be undone by their Achilles heal – the rumored possibility of long-term eardrum damage.

The Tastes Region

The very best tasting things in the entire world.

The Favorite: #1 Food That You’re Not Paying For

The top ranked Food That You’re Not Paying For squad is just as comfortable playing at a Company Outing or Dinner with Your Parents and is unmatched in their ability to let you eat foods that would otherwise bankrupt you and over-order on apps that you can take home for leftovers tomorrow.

Dark Horse: #6 Meal that You Made for Other People That’s Actually Good

While this squad doesn’t always show up in critical moments, they surprise teams with their base offensive strategy: watching out of the corner of your eye as someone bites into your potluck contribution, smiling to yourself as they say ‘wow who made this cornbread? it’s really flavorful’ and then bashfully underplaying how good it was and giving credit to this “new recipe you tried”

Cinderella Team: #11 Frozen Drink on Vacation

This #11 seed sleeper may not have the all-around game to compete on a nightly basis, but if the moment is right and the sun is bright, there is no team better suited to put you immediately into the vacation mindset.

Matchup to Watch: #5 Good Wine vs. #12 Well Made Old-Fashioned

These two rivals from the Alcohol Conference feature a similar, sophisticated playing style, with a focus on drinking for the taste vs. purely to get drunk. While the smooth Old Fashioned team isn’t for everyone, watch for them stun a Good Wine squad that might not always be worth the price.

The Smells Region

This shit be smelling goooodddddd.

The Favorite: #1 Cookies Fresh Out of the Oven

While the top ranked Cookies Fresh Out of the Oven may not have the edge or killer instinct of other teams in the bracket, but there’s no denying their long history of tradition and excellence, with a top-tier smell profile that hits different, no matter your age.

Dark Horse: #8 Wine at a Restaurant When You’re Trying to Act Fancy

One of the hardest teams to pin down in the tournament, the 8 seed may survive on the strength of its reputation vs. its actual smell, as most compliments come when trying to impress a friends, date and/or clients on a work dinner.

Cinderella Team: #13 Bacon Being Cooked in the Morning on a Share House Weekend

Though this team can be one-dimensional, if the 13 seed is allowed to play their own game and create joy on a hungover Saturday morning recapping the night’s debauchery and fueling up for another day of drinking at a bachelor party, ski trip, or beach house, they’ll shock the country this tournament.

Matchup to Watch: #4 Parents House When You’re Home for the Holidays vs. #13 Your Own Fart

Few teams can hang with #4 Your Parent’s House when it comes to creating a sense of comfort and familiarity, but this squad may meet their downfall in a nightmare matchup with a #13 team that has the power to make your parent’s entire house smell like your own farts.

The Sounds Region

Music to our ears (literally.)

The Favorite: #3 Hiss Leaving Your Ear When It Pops

Hisssssssss. That’s all there is to say.

Dark Horse: #5 “As There’s No Further Items to Discuss, We Can End the Call Early”

A surprising 5 seed that sneaks up on you out of nowhere, No Further Items is un-matched in their ability to turn your day around by giving you exactly 6 minutes of free time that you’ll either waste scrolling social media or spend getting anxious for your next meeting.

Cinderella Team: #15 T-Pain’s Autotune

The fan-favorite team of the tournament #15 T-Pain’s Autotune is the without a doubt the most fun team in the bracket and the surest sign at any party that you’re about to hear an absolute banger.

Matchup to Watch: #8 AOL IM Starting vs. #9 A Perfect Swish in Basketball

A matchup between two iconic teams that have faded from the spotlight pits the once-elite #8 AIM Sound team that has so failed to adapt to a modern style of play and the #9 Perfect Swish, a sound that most of you will never hear again because you suck at basketball and lack both range and touch on your jump shot.