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Best Things in the World, Physical Senses Edition: Sweet 16 Update
This. Is. March. After a wild few days of voting, we’ve made it through two rounds of the Best Things in the World: Physical Senses Edition tournament and just 16 teams stand. If you missed the full tournament kick off and how it works, go check it out here.
Voting starts today at 4 pm on Instagram for the next 24 hours, so hop on over to make your voice heard.
Let’s get into it.
How’d We Get There
Feelings Region
First Round Madness
In a battle between best excuses to get drunk for no reason, #9 Sun on Your Face After a Long Winter took down a #8 Getting into a Hot Tub at a Ski House team that lost its luster after about 45 minutes and couldn’t overcome its Achilles heel: the dread of getting out and eventually facing the cold.
#12 Shampoo Scalp Massage knocked off an over-rated 5 Hotel Sheets roster that was exposed for their inconsistency across chains and overall gross factor, as their scary potential to have other people’s fluids still on them outweighed their overall comfort.
Second Round Results
Top seeded Orgasm continued their dominating run, blowing out Sun On Your Face After a Long Winter and proving once again that a good sexual release is more powerful than the source of all life in the galaxy.
In a matchup between conference rivals, #4 Professional Massage showcased their versatility and ability to impact all parts of the body, pulling away from a one-dimensional #12 Scalp Massage After a Haircut team that really only focuses on the head.
Trendy Final Four pick #3 Big Burp That You Really Needed was stunned by 6 seed Getting Under the Blanket When It’s Cold Out, as the relief from a burp could not compete with the coziness of a blanket team that could make noise in the next round.
In a battle of the bathroom, a scrappy #10 Long Pee in the Morning team fell to heavyweight Good Poop roster that feels incredible at all hours of the day, not just morning.
What to Watch For
All signs point to an all time classic matchup in the Elite 8 between top seeded Orgasm and a #2 Good Poop that can actually be orgasmic at times. However, it’d be a mistake to overlook the coziest team in the tournament, #6 Being Under the Blanket When It’s Cold, which could stun the world and continue their deep run.
Tastes Region
First Round Madness
In a tense, double OT thriller, the late night bonding and quick head buzz of a Drunk Cigarettes team wasn’t enough for a #8 Hot Dog Right Off the Grill squad that’s delicious in any circumstance.
A booze filled battle between #3 Water when You’re Hungover and #14 Drunk Pizza ending in stunning fashion as the pure deliciousness of Drunk Pizza overpowered a Hangover Water team that can make you throw up immediately and honestly isn’t as good as a Gatorade or Pedialyte.
Second Round Results
While you can always have a Hot Dog Off the Grill no matter how full you are, they simply lacked the variety and financial benefit of a top seeded Food You’re Not Paying For roster that looks unstoppable through 2 rounds.
Fan favorite #13 McDonald’s French Fries continues their Cinderella running, taking down a plucky #12 Well-Made Old Fashioned that simply is too expensive for some of our more broke followers to appreciate.
After a stunning first round win, #14 Drunk Pizza falls to an 11 seeded Frozen Drink team that immediately puts you in the vacation mindset.
Fresh off their win against Thanksgiving Turkey, #10 Anything When You’re High fell victim to their indecision when ordering and anxiety when opening the door for the DoorDash guys and was dominated by #2 First Sip of a Cold Beer After a Long Week.
What to Watch For
Can anyone stop a top ranked Food that You’re Not Paying For team that’s out to prove that there IS such a thing as a free lunch and it’s actually the best kind of lunch ever?
Smells Region
First Round Madness
In a battle for the soul of Work Retire Die, 6th seed Cocaine came out fast and aggressive but ended up talking way too much and kept going to the bathroom every 5 minutes as it faded down the stretch against the tournament’s most wholesome team, #11 Christmas Trees.
Carried by star player Hungover Food That You Don’t Have to Make, #15 Bacon Cooked in the Morning on a Share House Weekend nearly shocked the world before falling on a buzzer beater to a seasoned and consistent #2 Coffee in the Morning team.
Second Round Results
A scrappy #9 Fresh Laundry Out of the Dryer was done in by the inevitable chore of folding said laundry and couldn’t handle a top ranked Cookies Out of the Oven team that can dominate an entire kitchen.
#4 Your Parent’s House When You’re Home for the Holidays was no match for the power of pheromones, falling to #5 Your Significant Other in a matchup that had many experts questioning if the voters actually believe this or are just scared to piss off their partners.
The underdog story of #14 Good BBQ continues, as they dominated an extremely seasonal Christmas Trees team thanks to their combination of good smell and anticipation of a delicious meal immediately after.
#7 Fresh Can of Tennis Balls jumped out to an early lead but faded after like 3 sniffs, falling to #2 Coffee in the Morning in the tournament’s most lopsided matchup.
What to Watch For
While 2nd seed Coffee in the Morning smells good to everyone, not just coffee drinkers, experts worry about their smell variety in a tough matchup with 14 Good BBQ. Either way, both teams could face a tough matchup out of the top of the bracket, where a dominant Cookies Fresh from the Oven team looms large.
Sounds Region
First Round Madness
An explosive #12 Champagne Bottle Popping team stuns 5th seed “Let’s End the Call Early” team that was undone by its weak spot, the phrase “I’ll just give you 3 minutes back in your day” that’s not only infuriatingly condescending but also just ends up being more time to send emails.
A dangerous 13 seed Laughter after a Risky Joke team kept it close for most of the first half thanks to its relief-based scoring offense, but couldn’t hang against a satisfying #4 Cracking a Beer Can that jump starts any boys weekend or hungover Saturday morning.
Second Round Results
In a tightly contested back and forth battle, #1 Everyone Singing Along at a Concert leaned on the power of camaraderie with strangers and battled off concerns that you’re paying to hear the musician not a crowd to take down #9 Perfect Swish.
#12 Champagne Bottle Popping was a fun team that had its moment, but simply lacked the long term versatility of a #4 Cracking a Beer Can that not only sounds good, but sets the tone for the entire day.
While #3 Hiss of Ear After it Pops had a strong run, experts wonder if they should have been part of the Feelings region, as their sound factor underperformed in their loss to #6 Flushing a Full 8 Iron.
A seasoned #2 Crack of a Wood Bat After Perfect Contact team that brought back all their seniors looked sharp in a waxing of a surprisingly #7 Well Executed High Five team that has a nice pop but lacked the firepower to hang with an all time classic blue blood.
What to Watch For
Look for a tight matchup between fierce rivals from the Perfect Sports Sounds Conference, when Crack of a Wood Bat and Flushing a Full 8 Iron square off in the Sweet 16. It’s anyone’s guess who they’ll face after a matchup between Everyone Singing Along at a Concert team that barely escaped the second round (while it’s a good sound, it might be even better at sports game??) and a sneaky Crack of a Beer Can team that just won’t go away.
Historical Photo of a Hot Hippo Club of the Week
I'll be honest, I love hippos as much as the next guy but this club looks so unappealing. It's definitely a place where girls get roofied. I don't know that for a fact so don't want to spread any rumors but just the vibe I get.