How to Deal with Annoying Coworkers

Yesterday, we asked the loyal WRDie Instagram community a simple question: what is the most annoying move a coworker has ever pulled on you?

After sifting through all the response, I was able to separate out 4 main buckets of annoying coworkers and provide you all with some tips for how to deal with these fuckers.

1. A Little Snitch Bitch

From day one, we have been a no snitches blog. Our stance on this is pretty black-and-white and it won’t be changing any time soon. An office snitch is one of the lower forms of human being who operates out of jealousy and insecurity and has to rely on the faults of others to advance their own career because they don’t have any actual skills in the first place.

Now, if you have gotten snitched on, that sucks ass. Before we get into how to deal with it, let’s first discuss the context.

1. What did you do that they’re snitching on?

Is your coworker snitching on you for clocking out early or for corporate malfeasance? I’m all for backing each other up, but like sometimes being a whistleblower is justified.  

2. Was the snitch coerced?

Ultimately, this isn’t like the Sopranos and people gotta pay rent. It’s one thing to not snitch but if someone is asked a direct question by a higher up repeatedly, you can only expect them to cover for you to a certain extent. Love each and every coworker I’ve ever had (NOT ROMANTICALLY) but ultimately, there is a very short list of people I would lose my job for.   

Let’s assume moving forward that snitching refers to minor infractions where your coworker is offering up information with the purpose of making you look bad. Here’s how you deal with them in 3 simple steps.

1. Shame Them

Humiliate them in front of your peers at lunch, in Slack, and any opportunity you get. Shame is one of the strongest motivators and should teach them a lesson they’ll never forget.

2. Shun Them

They’re not to be trusted, so just don’t tell them shit anymore. If they ask you something, reply “Are you going to go tattle to Mommy like you did last time little snitch boy?” Something professional like that.

3. Don’t Play Their Game

One thing you have to realize is that a snitch always ends up looking bad, especially when it’s a minor issue. Don’t get in a snitch battle and just rise above.

2. Insincere Slack-ers

Close #2 complaint was around Slack, the proud owner of the most triggering notification sound of all time.

Shoutout to my boy Foty who called out the most stressful advertising campaign of the year so far (the Apple Watch ‘buy us or you’ll drown alive’ campaign is a close second.)

How to Deal with Different Types of Slacks

Option 1: Play along. Two can play at this game. Give them a ton of detail about your personal life. REALLY tell them how your day is going. Tell them you’re so happy they reached out because no one ever asks how you’re doing and REALLY cares to know the answer.

The goal here is to make them feel so guilty about asking you for something that they never get around to doing it.

Option 2: Just don’t reply. Play a little Slack chicken. Wait for them to follow up their “hi happy Friday!!” slack with another one asking you a direct question 19 minutes later. That’ll teach them to greet you like a person!!

Just reply PONG.

Ignore it. If they Slack you that they called, just say your phone’s charging in the other room. Stress how hard it is to reach that phone and just how annoying it will be to have a call right now. Really make them consider if it’s worth the effort or if it can be accomplished in 2 messages like a normal person.

Hot take – sometimes I’d rather talk on the phone for 3 minutes than Slack back and forth.

Quick Slack Tips:

• TURN YOUR SLACK NOTIFICATIONS OFF AFTER 6 PM AND ON THE WEEKENDS.

• Stop limiting yourself to thumbs up or heart emojis. There are a wild amount of more fun reaction emojiis you can use to add a single ounce of joy to your day.

• Public channels can be seen by EVERYONE. Learned this the hard way when a coworker searched their name in Slack and found out we were complaining about them in a channel.   Make it private for god’s sake.

• Use the edit and delete buttons to trap your coworkers into damning sentences. Fun example below.

3. Refuses to Shut Up

Some people just love to chitty chat it up, don’t they. Kinda like this guy:

How to Get off a Call with a Chatty Coworker

1. “Sorry, I have a hard stop.”

2. Pretend to spill coffee on yourself. Scream, hang up abruptly

3. Just Irish exit. Hang up and leave the Zoom and pretend your Wifi crashed if they ask.

4. “I better let you go”

5. “I have to go shit right now. I kind of already started to be honest.”

6. “Sorry, I’m out past my curfew and my mom said I have to go home now.”

7. Look in the distance in horror and scream “GET OUT. I TOLD YOU TO NEVER COME BACK HERE.” Slam your computer shut and turn your phone off.

8. Just go silent. Brick wall them. They should get the message.

9. “I won’t keep you any longer”

10. “Every second I spend talking to you is a second not spent with my loved ones. I value our professional relationship sincerely and dearly but this pandemic has made me realize just how short life is and what really matters. I can’t imagine how lonely and depressed you must be if you’re still talking to me at 7:32 pm about a QBR that’s 4 weeks away. I hope you find something or someone life that brings you joy, even just for a small moment each day.”

4. Taking Credit For Your Work

The worst. Like snitching, these people think they look good, but anyone who really pays attention or is a good leader will notice their antics and think less of them.  

In general, you want to be someone who gives others credit first, but sometimes it just goes too far.

1. Correct them in real time

A little awkward and I totally get that you don’t want to seem like a whiny little bitch in a meeting going “Wahhhh I actually made this slide Mr. Bossman!” Obviously, there are better ways to do that.

For example, let’s say Ryan presents a slide that you literally stayed up until 1 in the morning making because he forgot to tell you he needed it ahead of time for the client meeting.

Chime in – “Thanks Ryan for sharing! If anyone has more detailed questions, please feel free to reach out me directly, as I pulled together the findings for this analysis.”

2. Confront in private

Sometimes people make mistakes and don’t even realize that they’re being a dick. Have some balls and talk to them about it like a grown up.

3. Take the Initiative

I know you might think that your higher ups know that you’re the one who really does the work, the fact is that they just don’t have enough time in the day to care about 99% of what you do. You’ve been working hard and you deserve to be recognized for that. Next time a presentation comes around or a chance to email out an update, step up and just do it without being asked.

You gotta step on a few toes to make it to the top my little girl/boy boss so stop waiting for things to come to you and take matters into your own hands.

BONUS SECTION: Pettiest Coworker Moves

Historical  Photo of Hippo Of the Week

Thank you to my father for bringing this to my attention and for the New York Times for alerting us all that the sound a hippo makes is called a wheeze honk. Can we be just a little more creative than that? Not for us but for the stake of the hippo community at larger. 

Here is the audio of a wheeze honk for context. I don't have a NYT subscription so if anyone could record it and send it over that'd be great. 

Longforms of the Week

• An eccentric monk and his scrap with a cathedral. 

• A feast for lost souls in Mexico. 

• How shadow foster care is tearing families apart.